Henry Kissinger and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

"Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" will soon be screening in movie theaters throughout
the country.  I've got to admit, my first reaction to this was pretty negative...but then
again, it is pretty creative to piggy back the good vibes of a national hero onto a schlock,
pop movie.

One of our pressing national concerns is what to do with Washington politicians out of
office.  These sad, derelict vagabonds wander far from the halls of power, reduced to
using their inside knowledge to lobby their replacements.  True, financially, they are well
rewarded...but spiritually, they are shattered souls, begging for favors from the new
power brokers.

Or, they are reduced to lecturing at elite universities, confirming to already pampered
and entitled students, that it is indeed noble to go into public service and tell the rest of
us how to live our lives.

To provide a productive life for these lost souls, we could do worse than offer them
employment as actors.  Instead of using dead politicians to make new movies, we
could use live politicians (when they are out of office) to remake old movies and
television shows.

Who wouldn't want to see Chris Christie and Barack Obama as "Laurel and Hardy",
or Barney Frank and George Bush (either Bush) as "The Odd Couple"?  How about
Boehner and Obama as "Martin and Lewis"?

White-bread Mitt Romney could change his image, playing a street-wise Richard
Roundtree in "Shaft", or as Marlon Brando's "Godfather".  How about George W. Bush
as Jon Voight's "Midnight Cowboy"?

George H. W. Bush as John Wayne, "Read my lips, pilgrim".  Bill Clinton would be a
perfect Alec Baldwin in "It's Complicated", or playing Charles Durning's Governor, singing
and dancing to "The Sidestep" in "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" (never heard of
this one?  Look it up on youtube).

Perhaps I'm a wee bit sexist (OK, I'm a pig), but wouldn't you like to see Hilary, or
Condoleezza, "Do Dallas"?  Why not "Hilary Clinton, Condoleezza Rice, and
Madeleine Albright--Tomb Raiders"?

Las Vegas could get in on the action, too.  How about a Chippendale's Review with
Jimmy Carter, George H. W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Barack
Obama as "Presidents Gone Wild!!"?  It won't be the first time someone waved a dollar
in front of them.

OK, so maybe it would be a little bit exploitive of, and demeaning to, their former
positions (or to themselves)...but at least they'd be earning an honest living...and
when they die, Hollywood could turn them into vampire slayers with a clear conscience.